From the moment I had my first child. No wait, from the moment I got pregnant with my first child. No, from the moment I started trying to get pregnant with my first child (there we go!) I have changed my habits, choices, and thoughts to accommodate a new life. I stopped thinking about myself as an individual with singular wants or needs. I forced myself to set aside my personal desires to make room for someone else’s – someone who I had yet to meet, someone who didn’t even exist yet.
In many ways I’ve had the unfair advantage (let’s call it that, flatteringly) of being able to practice this parental empathy for months and years beyond my husband. I stopped drinking alcohol in August 2013, when we started “trying” for our first kid. It was the first time I had to put my own desires aside and say to myself, “this isn’t about you anymore, so buck up, buttercup!” It wasn’t “hard” per se, but it was a choice and I stuck to it even when it was inconveniently noticeable or just plain not fun.
I gave up more when I got pregnant. I gave up more when he was born – sleep being the most memorable and affecting. I continued having to think about the baby first, myself second (maybe). And around the time I felt like I was finally able to think about myself again, we thought another kid sounded like a good idea. And so the process started over. Continue reading “Today I’m Struggling With…An Unfair Advantage”