Today I’m Struggling With…Potty Training

Let me start by saying that potty training my son took approximately six months, and I ended up in therapy before it was all said and done. SOOOO if you’re here because you’re at your wits end and have never been so frustrated in your entire life, well you’re in the right place. I can’t promise I’ll fix your issues, but maybe you can find a new approach and feel comforted by my commiseration.

Me, during potty training, month 5.

We started to potty train H when he was almost three. We weren’t really in a rush, except for the vague idea that it might be nice to only have one kid in diapers at a time. We started in February, since H was set to turn three and I was due with G in May. We chose the weekend after a trip to get started and stocked up on everything we thought we might need.

What worked for me…If at first you don’t succeed, try try again.

I’m gonna go through some of the products and techniques that helped us, even a little. There is not a potty training silver bullet. Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is trying to sell you something.

Speaking of…Disclosure: the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a small commission if you click through and make a purchase. I am not sponsored by any brand/product featured – I just love their stuff and hope you do too!

Gear – The stuff you might want…

• Rewards, including: Dum Dums, jelly beans, a Paw Patrol book, and several Duplo sets
• A little potty: We chose the Munchkin 3-in-1 Potty. It was easy to clean and doubles as a step stool, which is nice. I appreciated that it has a small, removable basin, which made emptying it easy.

Bonus tip: Line your kid’s potty with doggy bags to easily remove solid waste and make clean up easier. If you want to go one step further, you can stick a maxi pad inside to absorb the wet stuff too! I also keep doggy bags in my diaper bag for stinky diapers and messy clothes. I like this brand.

• A seat cover: We weren’t sure if H would like using the small potty or the real potty better. We chose the Munchkin Sturdy Potty Seat because it was pretty basic and came with a hook to hang it up. He still uses it, and we just leave it on the potty in his room.
• Potty books: Other moms, including my own, suggested reading lots of books about the potty to help him get used to the idea, or even excited about it. We liked Potty by Leslie Patricelli, Where’s the Poop? by Julie Markes, and Vegetables in Underwear by Jared Chapman.
• Potette: This is the single greatest purchase we made. It’s made by Kalencom (available here), and was suggested to me by my aunt, who used it with her daughter. It’s a small, lightweight, go-anywhere potty that makes sure a “potty emergency” never happens. We take it everywhere, and it makes the thought of going on a road trip totally reasonable.
• Pull-ups: In the spirit of full disclosure, we used these for WAY too long. Asking your kid to use the potty, then putting them in something that absorbs like a diaper is really confusing. Honestly, we were just being chicken shit and trying not to actually commit to underwear and the possible accidents.
• Motivational underwear: Paw Patrol, Justice League, Peppa Pig, whatever works.
• Potty Watch: We got this one from because it was cheap and cute. We only used it for a couple weeks, but it helped all of us remember to use the potty, and it put some of the responsibility on H.
• Sticker chart: My therapist suggested positive reinforcement in the form of “This many times I pooped in the potty” or something like that. We picked up a sticker chart at the Target dollar spot to track successes.

Techniques – The stuff you might try…

• iPad time: We started by sitting H on the potty with his iPad or a book and simply waited for the pee to come. I thought this would be easy – catch the pee, create a new habit! Easy, right? It ended up being A LOT of me sitting in the bathroom, and not a lot of peeing in the potty.

My son, wasting my damn time.

Ultimately, we kept doing iPad time, but not as often and setting a time limit for how long we would wait. Using the Potty Watch, we were able to do frequent potty stops without having to sit in the bathroom the whole time.

• Going cold turkey: After many months of what felt like tiny, tiny baby steps, we decided it was time to go cold turkey and get rid of Pull-Ups. Switching to underoos was one of the most nerve-wracking experiences of my life, and the night before, I felt like I was getting ready to go into battle.

Potty: check. Extra underwear: check. Xanax: check.

I picked a day when my sister would be around to help out. We planned to spend the whole day in the garage, thinking accidents would be easier to clean on cement than carpet. We brought his little potty down, along with extra clothes, and lots to do. Within a few minutes, he had an accident. We reminded him to use the potty, changed his clothes, and kept playing. We had no more accidents for the rest of the day. Or week. It worked! Or so we thought…

Pro-tip: When you’re in the thick of potty training and are afraid to leave the house, pack yourself a potty training bag – like a diaper bag for your toddler. Ours included:

• Several changes of clothes
• A back-up Pull-Up
• Wipes
• Doggy bags
• Potette and liners

This bag became my own security blanket that allowed me to feel much more comfortable leaving the house – especially to go someplace like where bathrooms were scarce, like a park or playground.

• Fixing poop refusal: H took to peeing on the potty with ease. We had him in underwear full time and thought we had just finished with potty training forever. Unfortunately, he refused to poop on the potty. For days he would hold it in, then, even if a potty was close by, he would poop in his underwear. At this point, I had a newborn, I was alone with both kids for the first time, and his inability to poop in the damn toilet was driving me to my personal breaking point.

So I went to therapy. Yes! Therapy! And I HIGHLY recommend it. If you can find a mental health care provider who you jive with, you can move mountains. Mountains of poop, as the case may be.

Bonus tip: The best way to remove poop (and other) stains is the OxiClean Gel Stick. I use it to pre-treat stains new and old. I swear by that stuff and highly recommend it.

• Relaxing potty time: My therapist helped me deal with my own triggers (hunger, tiredness, feeling like a failure), but more importantly, referred me to a child psychiatrist to give me suggestions to help H. She said that anxiety around pooping on the potty is normal, and the best way to confront it is to reduce the stress around the action. She suggested “relaxing potty time,” where he sits on the potty with no agenda and no pressure. Maybe he watches a show, maybe he gets a snack. Instead of rushing him to the potty in a hurry, we were back to waiting it out, hoping the poop would come on its own.

Annnnnnnnd we’re back.

You know how people say, “One day it will just click!” Well as annoying as that was at the time, it really is true. One day, after two panic attacks, after all sorts of failed incentives, after countless loads of laundry, it clicked. During an afternoon session of relaxing potty time (less than day after we first tried it), he pooped in the potty.

Pro-tip: Celebrate success. No matter how frustrated you are, no matter how silly you feel, celebrate! I was terrible at positive reinforcement before I had kids. Now, I get daily practice for things as simple as putting on socks or not peeing on the floor.

We tried to keep the positive momentum going by offering prizes for the next five poops on the potty. After that we spaced it out (three stickers, then a prize; five stickers, then a prize, etc.). Until eventually, no prizes were necessary for consistent pooping.

He’s had one or two accidents since, but (I’m told) that’s normal. We also kept him in Pull-Ups at night until we had over a week of dry nights. Now he even sleeps in underwear!

TL;DR – Just tell me how to fix it!

• Lose the Pull-Ups and put the kid in underwear.
• Visit the potty A LOT, even when they don’t have to go.
• Stay positive, even when it blows.
• Remember your self-care. A happy parent is a helpful parent!
• You are gonna rock potty training! Good luck!